I’m goin’ out, bitches! Can’t let this whore makeup go to waste.
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Early Phoropter, 1895. First tool to correct near and far sightedness.
The second and third photos are of a Phoropter that I own. It was mounted on a steel pedestal, upside down. It’s a great piece of art. This one dates back to the early 1910s-1920s.
The fourth photo is of me, wearing goggles, because I am obsessed with optical devices and bulky eye lens things.
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This is what I like to call the Dark Period, when I went fucking nuts and chopped off all my hair (a foot of hair) and dyed it black, then red, then black again. I also cut it myself. And I also smoked A. LOT. You can see my piano in that smoking photo, all gutted and empty like :(
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I was so cool.
But we need to talk about the second photo and the outfit I’m wearing. Number one: why? Number two: I thought if I dressed like a skater, then a skater would want to fuck me. This didn’t work, by the way. Didn’t get laid until after high school. Number three: That backpack had all kinds of shit written on it, and it lasted me 3 years. It was my favorite thing in the world, and it was also a great way to spot me in the halls so you could shout, “Yo, Tits! We’re skipping Economics and going to Alex’s house to smoke out.” Number four: I am not wearing a skirt, as you might have thought. Oh, no, no, no. What you are looking at is a pair of JNCO jeans that I cut off into shorts because it was hot as nuts in latex and my mom was like, “You don’t need clothes. I’m going out of town. Here’s ten dollars for food all week.” Which is why I’m eating chips and a coke. Number five: Those Vans are still fucking rad and I don’t care and I wish I still had them and I started buying Vans in junior high because I heard that Weird Al had the largest collection of Vans in the world and I thought he was so awesome. Number six: Hair and head and make up do not match the things below. I wish I knew that it was ok to dress like a girl and still be a tough bitch.
Prepare for photo spam today. I hate this show I’m working on today and will do anything to avoid it.
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There is not a better example of my person captured on film than this photo.
Motivation to learn how to correct damaged photos. This is my favorite picture of me, ever. I was 17. And probably really, really high. Hey, who needs education when you can smoke out of your friend’s back-pack bong during 3rd period?
This is an old photo that I had taken by a professional. He wanted to capture my true beauty while I was working on Black Butler at the time, an anime series about an older gentleman demon butler and a young rich lad who are bound together by magicks and unbridled lust. It’s sort of like Brokeback Mountain, but with way less sheep and a lot more Britishisms like, “I say!” and “Where is the dentist?” and “Sorry!” It was a joy to work on.
The double exposure was my idea because I often feel like there are two sides of me playing a game of tug-of-war with one another, especially whilst working on Japanese animated series. One side is my goofy, playful side. She’s a little scamp who’s magical kitty named Luna is always getting her into messes, like showing her underwear in mild breezes when schoolboys walk by. My other side is a Tsundere, a total bitch who works in a maid cafe with kitty ears on. All she does is get jealous! But she’s so pretty and has big boobs. Well, with two girls like that constantly bickering inside me, it’s a wonder I ever get any work done! Kawaii!
He was a very talented photographer as you can see, and his photoshop skills far surpass any that I’ve ever seen. I feel pretty just looking at this, because he found something inside me I didn’t know existed and managed to capture it on film.
And if you’re wondering about those two cartoon fellows I mentioned in the first paragraph, don’t worry. The butler totally rapes him.
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My favorite Halloween costume (staying with the theme of unfunny comedians. And I can totally play accordion!)… and we went to a party that had a bunch of 20-year-olds and no one got it. My husband’s was also awesome (I photoshopped it for the real magic. He’s talking about spaghetti and meat balls), and no one got his either. Totally wasted amazing costumes.
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When I was Gallagher for Halloween. The pin on my shoulder said, “I’m Hilarious!” I had to do that so people would know that Gallagher was a comedian. When people didn’t know who Gallagher was, instead of explaining and ruining their lives with the knowledge of Gallagher’s unfunniness, I just told them I was Super Mario from the 1980s TV show, not the video game. They immediately accepted this. I’m still not sure if I’m offended by that or not. Either way… Gallagher.
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Lucille 2 from Arrested Development. Recognize the dress? SO MANY USES.
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The birth of L’il Shabaz(mataz). Those gold teeth are totes real. So are the unicorn’s tears.
Lookit, even vampiahs gotta think about that not so fresh feeling. I always use Kotex because, as you can see, it matches my jumpsuit perfectly. Ten bucks says it makes the same noise when I walk as my jumpsuit, too. Hand to God, I swear on these beauties.
I’ve had these sunglasses for 2 years now. I have a case that I store them in, something I’ve never done before because I could give a shit about sunglasses. That’s how much I love these. I know they are ridiculously large. I don’t even care if I can pull this look off or not. But come on. These shades are tits.
I was like, “There aren’t enough pictures of me. WHY ARE THERE ONLY A THOUSAND?” And so I drew this one, and only felt a fraction better. There should be more me out there. I should be on billboards, in the white line on a stripper’s ass, splattered all over an 18-year-old’s tits, all the time. I just want to find my “rock bottom”.
i am really good at the internet