Listen to me. Small Town Security on AMC (Right after Breaking Bad on Sundays) is my new crack. It’s my new Jersey Shore. It’s like David Lynch made Waiting for Guffman and fed it through Tim and Eric’s asshole, BUT IT’S ALL FUCKING REAL.

Dennis, who used to be Denise, is a transvestite security cop who is in love with a foul-mouthed, poor make-upped, parkinsons-having, married Chief. He believes they are soul mates, all the way back to “Egypt Times”. The Chief’s husband, who is a hoarder, has a different color dye job on his head every week. He gets the dye from the dollar store. He is the saddest man on the planet.

The random animation every now and then is a little annoying, but I guaran-fucking-tee you if you watch this show from the beginning, your mouth will be open and you will be saying, “No. No. This is real? No. Who are these people? Oh my god, I have to marry this show.”